Look at this girl. What do you see?
I see a girl about twenty years old. Beautiful. Intelligent eyes. Confident. Ready to explode onto the scene, the world hers for the taking.
But that wasn’t to be
Underneath the lovely exterior, she was weak.
She was without faith in her ability and inner strength. She suffered from an inability to understand her wonder. She misunderstood love.
So it’s no surprise she didn’t see it coming
He latched on quickly to her, and her to him. He showered her with gifts, told over and over that she was loved. She was the one he said. She was perfect. She deserved his love.
There was the other side
When asked what his ideal woman looked like, he said, ‘She has green eyes and red hair.’
She wanted to be that for him but of course she couldn’t. But she struggled to make the best of a bad situation. It wasn’t like she had any other option.
She convinced herself that what he said was the truth. She convinced herself that his plan for her was the only option she had.
She loved him because she didn’t love herself
He isolated her from her friends. He watched her every move, controlled her. He told her what to wear, and what not to. He was insanely jealous seeing her making eyes at men who weren’t on her radar.
She loved him as he continued to belittle her. She gave away the last shred of confidence she had.
The self-doubt she carried grew as he continued to beat her down. She came to believe that being treated this way was normal for a girl like her. Didn’t she deserve to be treated this way? After all the most important male role model in her life had abandoned her.
Surely, he could save her?
Instead he broke her
‘You’re not good enough!’
‘You’re too fat.’
‘You have bad skin.’
‘You’re too tall.’
‘You’re ugly.’
‘Your blue eyes should have been green.’
He won
She felt unworthy. Ugly. Unloved. But still she stayed. He raged.
And put his hands around her throat, choking her.
He released her but it was too late. It changed everything.
If I could talk to this girl now…
I would say…
‘As the most important person in your life, love yourself first. It is all that matters.’
‘Have a fierce belief in yourself.’
Know that your actions impact those around you without fail.’
‘Don’t let anyone tell you that you are not perfect just the way you are.’
‘Be kind to everyone, especially yourself.’
‘Live your life with a compassionate heart.’
‘When you look in the mirror be gentle. Smile more. Look past the flaws. See yourself.’
And most importantly…
‘Thank you.’
Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to realize your worth. For that, I thank her.
She was a survivor if nothing else.
That girl was IS me.
What would you say if you could talk to this girl?
This post was reposted on G Day for Girls, an important cause that reaches out to our girls. Please support them. Girls, all girls deserve a bright future free from bullying, free from pain.
Oh LeeLeeBear…………………….xo
You are so very brave. I know how hard it is to talk about this stuff in a public forum. Thank you for telling your story.
I am definitely stronger most days:) Thanks for reading it Connie. It means a lot.
It is a hard lesson for sure. I suppose we all have our own version of that.
This stuff really needs to be taught in school don’t you think? The rest, the math, the sciences and all that doesn’t matter a damn if you don’t believe in yourself and what you are capable of.
Thank you for saying this Melissa. It means a lot:) I try to remember that every day. Sometimes it’s still difficult.
Bravo! Thank you for sharing this…it only further proves how amazing and beautiful you are (inside and out)! xo
I would say all those things you say to her now. I’d say she was worthy, and perfect and deserving of only the best. That her self worth should come from inside, not from outside. I’d say she deserved better, that she should – and could — do better than him. I didn’t live the whole story you did, but as a young woman I felt less than I should have. I look back now and see the incredible woman I was – young, smart, beautiful – and wonder why I took less than I deserved, put up with thing and people (‘friends’ and boyfriends) that didn’t want me to be the best I could be. And I’d ask why I turned away those who would uplift me.
But that young woman made you into the strong beautiful loving and oh so deserving woman you are now. She may have taken a wrong turn in her search for love and self worth, but she arrived at the place you are now. And that’s a lot to be thankful for.
Touching, Leanne – a very touching story and I’m sure tears were shed when you wrote it. ((HUGS)) to you. Sharing this is important and maybe you’ll save one girl from the same path by sharing your story. And that’s a big deal. You inspire with this post.
I think there are so many of us that, sadly, can relate. It’s a journey into love that is worth every tear.
Thanks Connie. It’s true. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for my experiences, right? I am stronger and free!
Thanks Nat. I still need to remind myself sometimes:) This helps.
Beautiful. Intense. And true – unless & until we are able to love ourselves we will never be able to live or love any kind of real life. It’s a hard lesson to learn.
Wow, intense post Lee-anne! Glad you’re free of him and stronger for it!
Love your eyes. Love your spirit. Love your courage.
It was intense for sure. I think a lot of women can relate to this story so I want it out there to help. Thanks for commenting. It means a lot that you took the time 🙂 You’re awesome!
Wow! Thank you for sharing your story! Intense! I was that girl once as well….I would tell her/you: you ARE strong and you deserve better! XO