We should have expected this to happen. Days of build up to Christmas Day, naps dropped, late nights. There was entirely too much fun had and treats consumed. What were we thinking?
***
At about 1.30 in the morning, mama had to pee. And when I wake up knowing that, I also know this. If I dare risk the trip to the bathroom, it’s over. HE will wake up and climb into bed with us. Every. Single. Time. I might need me some Ninja Stealth Training but perhaps I should take a page out of our son’s book.
He might be onto something.
This morning was no different that a usual day when The Serious One is home from work. We struggle to get our little man ready; he wants to dress himself but he wants help. He doesn’t want to brush his teeth himself but he doesn’t want us to do it either, the list goes on. By the time 11am rolls around it’s decision time. Do we ride out the rest of the morning inside and make sure OLM gets his nap? Or do we keep trying to phase out the nap/mixed blessing because it cuts the day in half?
When you have a fiercely independent soul living under your roof who is also dependant on you for his survival it can be confusing which way to turn. You think you’ve got a plan he’ll enjoy because he seems determined to take part, happy even. Deep down you know he could snap at any moment with fewer hours of sleep under his belt because of the holidays. But you’re feeling selfish, you want to have a life, you want to break free of the boredom that consumes the routine of the every day.
So we made our choice, albeit a bad one. I thought, more than a little foolishly, that because he’s skipped his nap two days in a row, he can handle one more day. We’re just going for a walk, nothing too involved. Surely he can handle that?
And the fresh air felt wonderful. Until it didn’t.
We had a bit of a walk around the neighbourhood, coffees in hand, almost enjoying the time but not quite as we quickly realized our plan was probably going to change. And unless you know sign language or have some other way of communicating in code you end up having that conversation in front of your little angel. And this is a very bad idea.
It became clear that OLM heard what we were discussing and had his mindset on one thing on something else, food, even though we’d just had breakfast. Thankfully our favourite brunch place was just around the corner so we only had to make a quick detour. But this is where we made our next big mistake. We walked the wrong way and he LOST IT.
‘I don’t want to go that way, it’s too boring! There are too many cars and I don’t like that. (the cars were parked, it was a very quiet street) I WANT TO GO THE OTHER WAAAAAYYYY!’
Oh god…
We were able to get there quickly (and not entirely by force although we had to pick him up) as it was only a five-minute walk but things went to hell in a hand basket fast when we reached the restaurant to discover it was closed.
‘AHHHHHHHH!!!’
But that wasn’t the worst of it.
Having consumed entirely too much coffee and not doing a pee check before leaving the house it was clear we needed a bathroom ASAP but only two of us were willing to admit it however. With another adjustment to the plan desperately needed, almost more that the toilet next door at the Starbucks, we carried/corralled our screaming, kicking child into the bathroom, after which we’d figure out our next move.
That was so much fun.
Not only did he not go pee, I got to enjoy the startled/irritated/not in the slightest bit amused looks from the people who were clearly enjoying their day and their coffee with the convenience of a bathroom close at hand far more than we were.
We were a ten minute walk from home and as we made our way in that direction that was the last place he wanted to go. At first we tried to reason with him but quickly realized the extent of our distorted, sleep deprived thinking. Rather than argue or try to reason with our child stuck in tantrum mode, we placated, we soothed. We understood. And finally in his own time he said he wanted to go home. Clearly, he is smarter than the two of us put together. Of course we should go home! What were we thinking leaving the house in the first place?
‘Hallelujah!’ I cheered silently to myself.
When we got in the door, the first thing he said was that he wanted to have a nap. So I bundled him up in a blanket and brought him to his bed. It was there that I realized my next mistake. He still hadn’t peed.
As you can imagine he refused to get up but rather than press it we let it go. After all what other control does he have other than what goes in or comes out from his body?
Not more than two minutes later he comes out of his room, holding a Dora the Explorer bucket and a satisfied smile plastered all over his face.
‘I peed in the bucket mama, I had to go really bad!’
Sadly, I knew what was in the bucket the moment I saw it but afterwards I thought, ‘How could I have known that? Am I reliving a childhood moment? Did I do this as well when I was his age?’
My jaw must have hit the floor. I immediately dumped the pee and explained that the toilet was the only place to put it but secretly I was proud. ‘How creative he is! So inventive! I know where he gets that from!’
In the meantime, the Serious One missed the bucket reveal, thinking he had in fact wet the bed. He lost it, silently, in the other room. It was pretty hilarious, especially knowing that our boy is a prefect shot! He peed directly into the bucket without spilling a drop all the while standing up on his bed. At least, that is what he told me.
In retrospect I would have taken a photo of the evidence but I suppose you’ll just have to believe me. As for the Ninja Stealth Training it’s no longer on my list of things to learn.
Im laughing at this only because I happen to know this kid. This OLM of which this story is about…he’s a smart cookie all right….